the hypertonics

Lyrics

I've made a very bad mistake, worse than any government,
I'm writing love songs but the requiems got sent.
I've practiced every day at being someone else,
And I am the dumb one who keeps this from myself.

When you've been hiding yourself for such an infinite time
that you don't know what to do,
How can you find anyone
if they can't find you?

This equilibrium's the opposite of Truth
It's all a sideshow and there's junk at every booth
I've stayed inside this tiny box, the smallest box I could
Rewarded my bad deeds and punished all the good.

When you've been hiding yourself for such an infinite time
that you don't know what to do,
How can you find anyone
if they can't find you?

What am I, what am I doing wrong?

I've been lying, I've been coping,
I'm amazed at the maze in my mind.
I've never asked any questions of the people I want,
I'm afraid of the answers I'd find.

I've been quiet & cordial, clever and coy
I've started my sins of omission.
I've been limping along just enough to get by,
I've been waiting to ask for permission.

I've been starving myself, I've been holding it in,
I've been masking my mechanism.
I've been living in fear, I've been taking the punch,
I've been taming my priapism.

So all these years the things have added up
to find a form to fit.
All that I've given, all that I give
was raging bullshit.